Aliens, TimeTravelers, Espers, and Magical Girls!
by chromebalance
Summary: Crossover with Akemi Homura joining the SOS Brigade.
1. The Transfer Student

_Knock knock._

It was the sound of someone knocking on the door of the literature club room, which Suzumiya Haruhi had, roughly one years ago, requisitioned to be the headquarter of the Spreading Excitement All Over the World with Suzumiya Haruhi Brigade, abbreviated as the SOS Brigade.

"Come in!"

Haruhi spoke in a loud voice, without even looking up from whatever she was doing on the computer.

"I apologize for my intrusion."

Some girl I do not recognize walked through the door. With long black hair that almost reached her waist, she gave off the impression of a classic Japanese beauty. She must have been a freshman since she was wearing a North High girl's uniform.

"Is this the SOS brigade?"

"Yes it is! What do you want."

Upon the mention of the SOS brigade, Haruhi finally bothered to take her eyes off the computer monitor to take a look at the freshman, who was wearing a poker face that betrayed no signs of any emotion.

_Is she one of your comrade?_

I took a look at Nagato Yuki, hoping that she could somehow divine my question. However, the resident alien of the SOS Brigade did not even lift her eyes off her book. I knew from experience that everyone who approaches the SOS Brigade of his or her own volition has some sort of ulterior motive involving Haruhi, so I was a bit wary even though she was quite attractive. After all I had a near-death experience involving a pretty girl who tried to kill me with a knife while wearing a smile on her face.

"I am Akemi Homura. I am hoping that I can join the SOS Brigade."

_I know it. Come to think of it, wasn't Haruhi complaining about how there wasn't any new members in the Brigade? There was Watahashi Yasumi, but she turned out to be an ineligible middle schooler, or according to Koizumi, a manifestation of Haruhi's subconscious created to protect the SOS Brigade from the threats posed by the anti-SOS Brigade._

"Oh? How come you weren't here for the club recruitment exercise?"

Haruhi finally became interested in the newcomer.

"I did not have the opportunity, since I am a transfer student who only arrived during the earlier part of the week."

"Do you know what the SOS brigade is about? And why do you want to join?"

"To find aliens, time travelers and espers, and befriend them. It is a very interesting activity. I would especially like to befriend some time travelers or espers."

"Not aliens?"

"Sorry I do not like aliens. It is something personal; please do not inquire further."

_Whoa that's discrimination Akemi-san. I have some bad experience with aliens too, but you can't lump all aliens together. Nagato-san here is definitely a good alien!_

Haruhi turned towards me.

"Kyon, where did we put the excess Brigade exams?"

"Huh? How should I know. Didn't you handle all aspect of the application process?"

_Haruhi can be so unreasonable at times._

"Argh! you're so useless. Why do I have to do everything."

Taking a piece of paper lying around, Haruhi quickly jot down the content of the brigade examination from memory and handed it over to Akemi-san, who took it dutifully and began to fill it out.

* * *

><p>Akemi-san was dismissed and told to come back tomorrow for the second stage of the brigade entrance examination.<p>

"So what do you think? Honestly I wasn't expecting anyone to want to join at this time. The answers are a bit boring too."

After looking over the exam paper, Haruhi turned towards us and passed the exam paper over.

The content of the exam:

Name: Akemi Homura

Class: 1-2

Q1: What was the aspiration behind the formation of the SOS Brigade?  
><em>To find aliens, time travelers and espers, and befriend them, as well as other interesting activities.<em>

Q2: What can you contribute to the SOS Brigade?  
><em>I am multi-talented and can do just about everything.<em>

Q3: Out of aliens, time-travelers, sliders and espers, which do you like best?  
><em>Time-travelers.<em>

Q4: Why do you like them the best?  
><em>The burdens of a time-traveler are great.<em>

Q5: Write down a personal encounter with something mysterious.  
><em>No comment.<em>

Q6: Write down your favorite idiom.  
><em>If you don't succeed, cheat and try and try again.<em>

Q7: If you could do anything in the world, what would you do?  
><em>I will become a god.<em>

Q8: Last question. Please express your resolve in wanting to join the SOS Brigade.  
><em>I am determined to join; I will do whatever is required so that I can join.<em>

Extra: If you brought an item you like very much, here's an opportunity to earn some bonus points. Please bring the item to me.  
><em>Understood.<em>

* * *

><p>"Her replies are interesting."<p>

Koizumi gave a uncommitted response. I glanced around the room. Nagato was still absorbed in her book and did not look like she was interested in Akemi-san in any way. Asahina-san looked confused and did not look like she had anything to contribute, so I guess it was up to me to say something to our supreme overlord. And maybe this was where all the trouble started.

"Didn't you complain about how it was pathetic that we didn't get any new members? We should give her a try."

* * *

><p>After Haruhi dismissed the rest of the brigade, took her bags and went home, I finally found the opportunity to ask the rest of the brigade what I wanted to know.<p>

"Koizumi, Asahina-san. Is Akemi-san part of your group?"

"Nope. I would certainly notify you before any members of the Organization do something like this."

Koizumi replied with his trademark smile on his face. Meanwhile Asahina-san mumbled meekly.

"Um...probably not...you see I don't know every agent that get dispatched to this time plane...and they won't tell me anything anyways...besides [classified] is [classified] and..."

"What about you, Nagato-san? Is she a humanoid interface of yours?"

I would not have known what to do if Akemi-san was another humanoid interface. Kimidori-san was alright, but someone like Asakura Ryoko was genuinely scary. And the one interface of the Sky Canopy Dominion that I knew was scary in a different way.

"She is neither an interface of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity nor an interface of the Sky Canopy Dominion."

Nagato finally spoke.

"So she's just a normal human then."

I felt relieved.

"Inconclusive."

Nagato's next response was rather unexpected.

"The Integrated Data Sentient Entity failed to come to an agreement on the issue."

"Wait what? Then what is she then?"

"Insufficient data."

_Oh boy. I should have known; I should have known better. No one who approaches Haruhi out of his or her own volition is ordinary._

"Koizumi, can the Organization..."

I made a request to Koizumi, but he already knew what I wanted.

"They're already on it. The Organization will conduct a detailed background check on her. I can probably tell you if there is anything amiss tomorrow."


	2. The Witch

"Kyon, we're low on soy sauce. Go to the convenient store to get some."

Sigh. After hearing my mother's edict, I reluctantly left my spot in front of the television and prepared to go out. Judging by the noise that Shamisen was making, my sister was playing with him upstairs. I put on my blazers and left the house. I really should have been doing my homework or studying or something. Not that I would have in any case.

* * *

><p>As I walked towards the entrance of the convenience store, I spied a familiar figure out of the corner of my eyes. It was Sasaki, who was my close friend since going to the same cram school together during the third year of middle school. She was a bit eccentric, and we were close enough that many people erroneously thought that we were romantically involved, which led to the mistaken impression that I am attracted to weird girls<p>

"Hey Sasaki, fancy seeing you here."

I called out to Sasaki, who turned her head around, but ignored me and continued walking.

"Hey don't ignore me, where are you going?"

Irritated that I was being ignored, I ran and caught up to her.

"Oh Kyon, it's you. This is just perfect. You coming?"

Sasaki seemed to be rather trippy; something was wrong. I hope that she did not crack from studying too hard and start to take up drugs.

"Huh? Where are you going? Did you burn out from studying too hard? And what is that thing on your neck?"

"Oh I am going to the happy place. This is perfect, you should come too. I would be so happy if you were to come with me. Yes, you should definitely come."

This was disturbing. Of all the years I have known Sasaki, this was the first time where her thought process was not well grounded on reality. Now in retrospect, if I had any self-preservation instinct, I would have just called for help. Something supernatural was involved, and either Koizumi or Nagato probably could have helped me. All I had to was to take out my cell phone and dial the right number, and somehow detain Sasaki before help arrived. But there was not a single violent bone is my body, and the thought of calling for help did not even register in my mind. Instead I decided to follow Sasaki. She was my friend, and I could not bring myself to leave her when she was obviously in trouble.

As we walked through the park and into a building under construction, I noticed more and more people converging. They all walked lethargically like they were dreaming. It was only later, during retrospection, that I noticed that they all had the same weird butterfly mark on their neck.

"Um...so what are you people doing here?"

I asked timidly.

"What are we doing? We are traveling to a better, more wonderful place of course. Our body is holding us back. If we just abandon it we'll be able to reach a higher plane of existance!"

The surrounding people clapped and murmured in affirmation.

_Is this some sort of mind-control doom cult?_

I finally remembered that I had my cell phone with me, and so I surreptitiously left for a more secluded place around the corner to take out my cell phone.

There was no reception.

Thinking that I would probably get a better reception outside, I tried to run back to the exit, but somehow the exit had disappeared!

"Shit! I swear this is where the exit was. Just what is going on? What is this place?"

I was panicking. Before I noticed, the surrounding landscape had turned into something truly bizarre, like something out of modern art projects, or hallucinations under the influence of some psychedelics. I could not describe it in words. Was I dreaming, or was this some sort of closed space? This didn't look at all like the closed space that I had encountered before. And despite her usual antics Haruhi's concept of the world was actually firmly grounded in reality. Beside her only the aliens had the capability to do something like this, but what I was seeing was far outside of their normal _modus operandi_.

Suddenly I noticed that I was not alone anymore; I was surrounded by a bunch of weird cotton mustache creatures. They had heads that looked like giant cotton balls with mustache drawn on, and their lower bodies looked like butterflies from children's books.

_Something tells me they are not friendly._

Spying a gap in their formation, I dashed through it and ran for my life.

* * *

><p>I ran around in a panick, but I couldn't find an exit. I felt like I was going around in circles, which was probably true but hard to tell because the background kept changing. I made a wrong turn somewhere and found myself at a dead end. A pack of those cotton mustache creatures converged upon me, with black, spiky vines coming out of their cotton head. The black vines acted like hands, holding up many pairs of scissors menacingly. I knew it was over if I got caught.<p>

Suddenly, I was saved.

An explosion detonated in the middle of the pack, blowing up most of them into pieces and knocking me off my feet. And then sounds of machine gun fire rang out. I looked around and saw my savior, was holding a light machine gun and busy gunning down the cotton heads.

"Akemi-san!"

Surprised would have been an understatement, seeing my kohai, in some sort of cosplay outfit, packing heat. She was wearing some sort of sailor fuku and miniskirt with a purple and white color scheme. Her legs had a pair of black stockings with lanes of purple diamonds on the side for decoration, and her feet had some sort of black high heels, which somehow managed to merge seamlessly into her stockings. A highly decorated buckler was located on her left arm, while a purple gemstone decorated the back of her hand.

"What are those things! Where are we! What..."

"You should not be here."

Akemi-san cut off my confused and panic-stricken ramblings. She sounded perfectly calm, like she was just strolling through the park.

"Are you injured?"

She inquired.

"Um...I don't think so."

"Then take this. Use it to protect yourself."

She took out a Remington shotgun from somewhere.

"A gun? I don't know how to shoot a gun!"

"It's easy, just aim and shoot. It's a shotgun so you don't really have to aim well. You reload it like this."

She demonstrated how to use the weapon and handed it to me without giving me chance to protest. The ease with which she handled the weapon made her look like a professional soldier, or assassin, or something of that sort.

"We have to move."

She looked around and declared, so I followed.

* * *

><p>"Those things are the familiars of a witch."<p>

Akemi-san explained as we moved across the bizarre landscape.

"A witch?"

I conjured up images of broomstick riding girls with black pointy hats.

"A witch. They are...um...you can think of them as manifestations of human suffering and despair."

Somehow she sounded hesitant.

"This alien landscape we're in is the inside of the barrier of the witch."

_Is that like some kind of closed space?_

"The witch consumes people to gain strength, leading to unexplained murder and suicides. Furthermore they can control ordinary people, which leaves behind a telltale mark on the neck called the witch's kiss."

_That must be what happened with Sasaki. I hope she's ok. Just where are we going anyways?_

"We are going to the center of the barrier. There we will find the witch. It's all over once we kill it."

"Wait, we?"

I didn't like the sound of that.

"I will kill the witch sempai. It is sufficient for you keep yourself from being killed."

She declared nonchalantly like she has done it a hundred times before. Maybe she has.

"Just who are you and why are you doing all this?"

Akemi-san stopped, turned around and flicked her long hair.

"That's because I'm a magical girl."

_Aliens, time-travelers, espers, and now magical girls? Sliders, what happened to the slider? Yasumi-san didn't really count._

I have no idea why I was getting bothered by something so trivial in a life and death situation.

"I also a slider."

She declared while walking up to some weird looking door.

"We're here. The witch is most likely just beyond this door."

* * *

><p>The witch looked as bizarre as its familiars. It looked like a giant snail with butterfly wings, and its head looked like a mask of green moss, accentuated by many eyes made of roses.<p>

"Stay back. It should not bother you if you don't antagonize it."

Akemi-san walked calmly towards the witch, while carrying an assault rifle with her right hand.

The witch didn't look at all happy with the intrusion. With a sudden burst of movement, it took flight, and simultaneously threw the couch that it was sitting on towards Akemi-san. As the couch traveled through the air, it became larger and larger. That was when I realized that I had misjudged the size of the witch. I had thought that the witch was about the size of a sedan, but I was mistaken because the weird background made it difficult to tell how far away the witch really was. In fact the couch alone was about the size of a truck, and the witch was even bigger.

Akemi-san made no attempt to dodge the giant couch flying towards her.

"AKEMI-SAN!"

I yelled as the giant couch crushed her. But she appeared on top of the couch without any hint of injury. White wings sprouted from her back and she took to the air, unloading a hail of suppressive fire on the approaching witch with the assault rifle. She started to play a cat and mouse game with the witch. Every time the witch got close, she would teleport away, while leaving behind explosions to injure the witch.

_Looks like she has the upper-hand._

Just as I thought that Akemi-san would probably win, some of the weird bird-sized creatures flying around suddenly turned into black vines and tightly wrapped themselves around Akemi-san, effectively immobilizing her. It happened so fast and so unexpected that Akemi-san did not have the time to teleport away. She tried to cut off the vines with a burst of gunfire from her assault rifle, but was unsuccessful.

"AKEMI-SAN!"

I screamed as the black vines jerked with sudden force, sending Akemi-san flying towards the wall with enough speed to crack concrete. A normal human certainly would have died on impact. But somehow Akemi-san was fine.

She finally managed to free herself from the vines. Taking out a rocket-propelled grenade launcher, she teleported behind the witch, took aim, and fired. The resulting explosion tore into the witch, stunning it. Seeing her chance, Akemi-san finally took out a weapon befitting of a magical girl: a stylish looking bow.

As she strung the bow, purple energy arrows appeared on the arrow shelf. And as the arrow flew into the witch and exploded in a tremendous explosion, the witch blew apart and turned into a cloud of butterflies.

_Did we win?_

Akemi-san picked up some black spiky thing from the ground where the witch died. And suddenly the twisted dreamscape wavered and disappeared, returning to the building under construction it was before.

"It's over."

Akemi-san declared, while transforming back from her magical girl outfit to her North High uniform, as expected of a magical girl. She looked around and started to check on the victims who were now clearly lying around, unconscious.

_Right, Sasaki!_

"Do not worry, their life are not in danger. They will be fine tomorrow. In fact they probably won't remember what happened, which is convenient for us."

She stated nonchalantly, total unlike someone who was concerned with the life of her fellow human beings. Or perhaps she was just used to this sort of thing, like how a mortician would not be squeamish in front of dead bodies?

"Um...should I call the ambulance?"

"Yes, but I would suggest making yourself scarce before the authorities arrive."

While I was fumbling around with my cell phone, Akemi-san had disappeared without me noticing. Despite her advice, I stuck around until I saw Sasaki getting carried into the ambulance. It was going to be a long night.


	3. The Magical Girl

The next day I made the grueling walk up the hill towards North High like I had done for the past year or so. When I opened my shoe locker, a letter fell out. I already had many experiences with letters in my shoe locker, and so I knew better than to hope for a love confession. In fact I could almost guess the content without opening it.

_Come to the roof during lunch break._

It was written in a girlish and neat handwriting that I did not recognize. It did not look like Nagato's handwriting, nor Asahina-san's. And if Haruhi wanted to tell me something, she would do it directly in person and would never resort to letters in a million years. Therefore there was no doubt on my mind as to who was the sender.

The classes passed by quickly since I was not able to pay any attention to it due to the events of last night. I did somehow hear some rumor of some sort of mass sleep-walking/hallucination symptom that had doctors baffled.

* * *

><p>"Wait, you're not going to say 'four years ago' aren't you?"<p>

Even though it was rude, I simply had to interrupt Akemi-san.

"Um...actually that's exactly what I was going to say. How did you know?"

Akemi-san looked a bit surprise.

"Never mind, never mind, please go on."

"Well, it all began four years ago, on the night of the Tanabata..."

Again four years ago. It all started during that particular time when Haruhi, according to Koizumi, created the universe, or rather, recreated it. As a result, supernatural entities like aliens, time travelers, and espers came to being, though they generally do a good job of keeping themselves out of the public view.

_I wonder if the magical girl faction thinks that Haruhi is a God too._

"An unprecedented and powerful inter-dimensional quake originated from your universe, bringing our two universes together into contact."

Akemi-san explained while sipping on a can of coffee from a vending machine. Her eyes were staring at the distant horizon.

"Afterwards we started to observe the formation of witches in your universe, which normally should have been impossible."

"I know you said that they are the manifestations of human suffering and despair, but what are witches exactly? Where do they come from? What do they want?"

There was some pause before Akemi-san answered.

"To tell you the truth, there is a lot that we don't know, especially since no two witches are alike. And the familiars are more like fragments of the witches; when they have consumed enough humans, they can evolve into full-fledged witches themselves. That's one way the witches can increase their numbers."

She took another sip from her coffee.

"In fact all witches in this universe evolved from such fragments originating from my universe. That's the reason why it took them so long to become a threat; they need four years to absorb enough ambient grief and suffering before they could grow into a witch."

Another sip.

"Well, in my universe they are not actually a threat, since the goddess removes them before the precursors to witches can mature into one."

"Wait, a goddess?"

"Yes, a goddess. Who else but a goddess can detect witches a universe away? And I can't cross the dimensional barrier without her power."

_A goddess is no more absurd than aliens, time-travelers, or espers. And in many magical girls anime the magical girls get their power from deities, so I'm not skeptical. I already saw Akemi-san untransform, so presumably she has a transformation sequence. I wonder if she is nude during that...well now the only thing missing is a cute mascot animal sidekick. Does Akemi-san have one?_

"I don't know if there is a supreme creator God who created the universe, but there is a goddess of magical girls in my universe. Her name is Penitent Gretchen, or Kaname Madoka."

Akemi-san sounded a bit animated when discussing her goddess, in contrast to her usual aloof demeanor.

"Madoka? That sounds like a normal girl's name."

"Because she is. Or was, before her ascension."

"Ascension? So she wasn't always a goddess?"

"Well, she was an ordinary girl before her ascension. But afterwards the universe rewrote itself so that she was always a goddess for all time. In fact she is a goddess for all possible time lines. It's complicated."

"Um...I see."

I was not sure if I understood. Was this like how when Haruhi rewrote the universe, the entire time line changed from past to future even if there was a time before Haruhi rewrote the universe?

_So does Haruhi finally have some genuine competition in the divinity department?_

"Anyways back to witches."

She returned to her usual aloof demeanor.

"The witches don't actually manifest themselves in my universe since Madoka takes them away before they could be born. However that's where the problem is, since her powers are very limited in this universe. So that is where I come in."

She continued, while flicking her hair in a very elegant manner.

"My mission is to defeat and recover the witches, and observe the individual known as Suzumiya Haruhi."

"And how is Haruhi responsible for all this?"

I asked. The aliens, time-travelers, and espers factions all placed a very high importance on Haruhi and all have sent agents to watch over her. It was only natural that the new magical girls faction did the same.

"Correct. We believe that the individual known as Suzumiya Haruhi is the source of the inter-dimensional quake four years ago. She is an enigmatic existence somehow responsible for bringing the two universes together, making it possible to travel from one to the other. Furthermore, for reasons that we cannot explain, the witches instinctly gravitates towards her. This is actually very convenient, since we don't have to hunt for witches all over the world."

She finished the rest of her coffee in one gulp and turned to look at me.

"At the very least, the goddess believes that the individual known as Suzumiya Haruhi is the key to a more permanent solution to the problem of the witches. Anything else?"

"Um...what exactly do you think Haruhi is?"

According to Koizumi and the _Organization_, Haruhi is the universe creating goddess. To Nagato and the Integrated Data Sentient Entity, Haruhi is the key to their evolution. I am not sure of Asahina-san and her time-travelers faction's thought on this matter, but they do think that she is responsible for a time-quake four years ago. And now we have this new faction that thinks that Haruhi is an inter-dimensional anchor of some sort.

_Just how many titles do you want to accumulate until you're satisfied Haruhi?_

"A nexus of possibilities."

Akemi-san's reply made no sense to me.

"A what?"

"A nexus of..."

"I heard that perfectly fine. I mean what exactly do you mean by a nexus of possibilities?"

"I don't know."

Akemi-san's reply threw me in for a loop.

"You don't know? If you don't know then why do you know that she is this nexus of possibilities?"

"Don't blame me. I am only repeating what my goddess told me."

"I see..."

While I was pondering over Haruhi and the nature of divinity, the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch break. This cut our discussion short and forced me to return to my classroom even though I still had many questions unanswered.

* * *

><p>"Wait, a magical girl? Are you serious?"<p>

Koizumi laughed.

"Yes, a magical girl. That's what she said. And her boss is apparently a goddess."

The entire SOS Brigade, minus Haruhi, were loitering around the top of the steps leading from the sports field. Koizumi and I were having a discussion about the magical girl. Asahina-san was in her maid uniform while day dreaming or deep in thought. Meanwhile Nagato had her face buried in a book even while standing up.

"And a slider? Well that explains why she has no paper work. You see she has no background that we were able to dig up. And the documents necessary for the school transfer procedure are most likely forgeries. In fact the only thing we are able to verify is that she lives in the same apartment complex as Nagato-san. We don't know whether that is purely a coincidence or not."

We were overlooking the Haruhi/Akemi marathon. The chief of the SOS Brigade had somehow decided that the marathon is a grand tradition of the Brigade, even though it was done only once before. And anyone who could not keep up with her was not fit to join. Of course it goes without saying that had this rule been in effect one year ago, only Nagato could have been qualified to join the Brigade.

"I'm a bit disappointed actually. The _Organization _takes great effort to ensure that all the paper works are in order for its agents, like me. The same thing is true for Asahina-san's faction. But whoever is backing this magical girl didn't take the time to do the same."

Despite the fact that Haruhi somehow had the stamina of an Olympic champion, Akemi-san was effortlessly keeping up with her, just a few steps behind. Sensing the competition, Haruhi picked up her pace. The marathon had turned into a sprint.

"As of now the consensus opinion in the _Organization_ is that because Suzumiya-san desires a new member in the Brigade, the universe was rewritten to bring about the new faction. And if that interpretation of the events is correct, then the newcomer obviously cannot be a danger to Suzumiya-san, since she would never desire harm to herself or the Brigade."

Koizumi explained.

"However, the concept of witches that you mentioned is interesting; it will require some investigation."

The other people on the sports field had all stopped what they were doing to gawk at the two person marathon/sprint.

"What do you think Nagato? Did the Integrated Data Sentient Entity come to a conclusion?"

I turned to the SOS Brigade's resident alien.

"A thorough scan of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity's records revealed no entity with similar characteristics, supporting the notion that she came from without the universe."

Nagato took her eyes off her book and made eye contact.

"The concept of witches is a cause for concern. Please contact me if you encounter another one."

_Thanks Nagato, you're the most reliable one in the Brigade._

Finally, the race had concluded. This time it was Haruhi who was lying on the ground, sweat-soaked and grasping for breath. The challenger Akemi-san, however, was barely breaking a sweat.

_Aren't you overdoing it Akemi-san? Haruhi may have amazing, Olympic-level stamina, but it is still within the realm of reasonability. What you just did is not._

"I can't believe there is someone has so much stamina. Just how do you do it?"

Haruhi finally recovered enough to speak.

"Magic."

Akemi-san flicked her hair back gracefully as usual.

"You're a weird girl you know."


End file.
